Finding My Purpose
by GamingAimFX
Summary: When Gail finds a job with the BLU team, things don't go as she expected. Rated M for TF2 violence


"I'm sorry, Miss Pauling, I'm not sure I understand. Can you please go over it again?"

"Surely, Gail."

I sat in Miss Pauling's office, watching her in confusion as she shuffled her papers around. I had been trained as a mercenary and had found a job offering here. But the way she had explained the position severely confused me, for some reason. I snapped to attention once again as Miss Pauling began to speak.

"You will be fighting the RED team in various locations, which are preset. Each location has a name, for example, 2Fort. You will have nine teammates. Each location has a different objective. One is like a game of capture the flag, one is capturing and holding Control Points, one is escorting a 'Payload' cart to a specified destination, and another is that both teams have a cart and it's a race to the finish. There is also currently an option to fight off an army of robots."

"For your first few days, it will be like a trial to see if you like the job. You will stay with the other mercenaries, and participate in select battles. After precisely three days you will be required to decide if you would like to stay or leave. Should you decide to stay, we will give you other information you'll need then. Any questions?"

"No, I got it this time. The refined version is easier to understand," I confirmed with a chuckle. Miss Pauling nodded and informed me that I would be taken to the current battle location by car. I walked out the double doors with the designated driver. Once we had settled into the car, which turned out to be a very old looking Jeep, the man driving didn't hesitate. He took off at top speed, while I sat there, hoping that we wouldn't end up careening off the road into a tree.

But that didn't happen, as soon enough we stopped at the back of a fort type thing, completely made of wood. The driver told me that the Scout would show me around and drove off without another word. I looked around and took in my surroundings. Pretty much nothing but barren land for miles. The only signs of anything else were the road that we had come in from and the building I now stood by. I sighed and sat down, leaning against a nearby wall. Guess the only thing to do was wait.

"So you're Gail?" The sudden voice startled me. I looked up, and before me stood a young man, no older than 25, I'd guess, watching me and smiling. I replied, "Uh, yeah?" I was somewhat nervous to talk to him, considering I was here to be a mercenary and I didn't even know the guy. He grinned even more and spoke again. "You were probably told that I would show you around. Call me Scout." As he finished, he held out a hand to help me get up. I took it, and once I had stood up, the Scout began to walk towards the base. I followed suit, not knowing what else to do

As soon as Scout had opened the door to the base, I heard a rough voice yelling, "MAGGOT! WHERE WERE YOU?!" I peeked my head in the door to see that it was on older man, with his upper face obscured by his helmet. Scout gave him a "we already went over this" look, and then said to me, "That's Soldier. He can be a nutcase sometimes." Then he turned back to Soldier and told him, "Did I not tell you fifty times that we were getting a new merc today? Her name's Gail. Don't forget it like you did when we had the last trial recruit come." Doing a triple spin in the air to turn back around, Scout tried to lead me down a hallway, but he accidentally crashed into someone shorter than him.

The shorter man got up and said, "Dammit, Scout, how many tahms d' Ah have to tell yah?" Then he seemed to notice that I was standing behind Scout, wondering what was going on. "Howdy, partner, who've we got here?" I answered for myself. "I'm Gail. I'm here for my three trial days." The man walked over and gave me a firm handshake. "Nice ta meet ya, Gail! Hope ya like it here. I'm the Engineer. If ya would excuse me, it looks like Pyro got inta the matches again." As he finished, he walked down the hall and grabbed a pack of matches from someone completely covered in a rubber-looking suit. Behind me, Scout sighed, and I imagined that he was rolling his eyes. "Let's go," he said, "before Mumbles over there sets us all on fire."

While we were walking, Scout raised a hand and waved at a tall man wearing a slouch hat. He waved back without looking up from whatever he was writing. The Bostonian whispered to me, "Sniper" while pointing at the writing man. On the way to wherever we were going, Scout kept talking. I swear, the guy is a chatterbox. "We probably don't want ta run inta the Demoman 'cus he's most likely drunk. He's the black Scottish guy. The fat Russian is da Heavy, who is incredibly obsessed wit' his gun. Da Medic is da German mad scientist type person. Spy is da French dude who keeps ta himself." Finally, we stopped and Scout shut up. Well, mostly. He exclaimed, "And here we are!" Since I apparently had a look on my face that read, 'I have no flipping idea what you're talking about', he explained.

"Dis is your room. Da stuff you need that you weren't instructed ta bring should all be in there. If you need ta talk ta anyone, our rooms are all labeled. There's a map a' the rest of the base in there, too. See ya later!" and promptly wandered off. I took the key on the hook to my right and unlocked the door. The room wasn't very big, but big enough to live in. There was a bed in the far left corner, and a desk and mirror across from it. About in the center of the right wall, an open door revealed a bathroom. At the end of the bed, a dresser was facing the doorway. I walked in and dumped my stuff on the bed. I had forgotten I was even carrying it. The map Scout had mentioned was on the wall above the bed, in a protective plastic cover. I ran my finger over it, tracing hallway routes. In the top right corner of the map, there was a schedule. We had to be up by 6:30 in the morning, and only got to go to sleep at 11:00 at night

I checked the clock, which was above the bathroom door. According to the schedule, right now everyone should be in the 'living room', which I suspected was just a room with some couches in it. I looked at the route once more and headed out the door. It took me a few tries, but I got there after long enough. I walked in the door, but soon enough the Engineer and Scout noticed me, and called me over. Scout stood up and, somehow, stopped the chaotically loud conversation and got everone's attention. With one hand on my shoulder, he announced, "This is Gail. She's takin' her three trial days." The Soldier still looked suspicious of me. Pyro kept fiddling with a piece of string. Demo had completely passed out, while the person I assumed was the Medic was trying to wake him up, muttering German curses under his breath. But he turned around and waved at me, before going back to what he was doing. The Heavy looked amused, probably at the fact that I was so much smaller than him. Sniper glanced up at me and smiled. Spy merely gave me a curt nod and went back to fiddling with his device that apparently did something other than hold his cigarettes.

I assumed that the introduction had gone reasonably well. Some of the team had seemed to like me. I stretched my arms out and took the Scout's invitation to sit down. He asked me, "How is it that you happen to be a mercenary, Gail?" I clenched my teeth at the memory. "I used to be teased in school. I taught myself to fight them off, and one day, someone just came up to me and asked if I'd like to be trained as a merc. I accepted. Then eventually Miss Pauling approached me, when I was looking for a job." Scout nodded knowingly. Apparently he had been bullied too. He asked me if I could demonsrate what I was capable of, and when I agreed, he made a hand signal at the Soldier that I guessed meant 'we're going somewhere.' Soldier didn't even seem to notice, but Scout headed out the door regardless. I scurried after him, catching up a few yards later. Not far away, he opened a door, and a blast of decently warm air hit me. Scout stood in the center of a cement platform with various obsicles scattered over it. He nodded and asked, "What first?"

"Fistfights and agility." I answered without missing a beat. Scout nodded again and sprang into the air, heading for me. I was ready. I strafed to my right and swung my hands a few times, each time hitting their mark. Then I did a double backflip and recovered my feet soon enough to see that he was rushing at me, shoulder first. I had learned what to do here, after years of practice. I jumped, just before Scout hit me, and was on his back for a split second. Then I kicked out and then ran in the opposite direction than the one he had been going a second ago. Scout was on the ground, dazed. I cautiosly walked over. Seeing that he didn't intend a suprise attack, I offered a hand to help him up. He took it, and with no trouble, got back up. "How'd you... most people would be down for a lot longer after a kick to the head." Scout grinned and said, "They have some kinda barrier, and when we're on da inside, teammates can't hurt each otha'. I was still knocked back by da force, but it can't hurt me." I nodded in acknowledgement and suggested we try a race, since he was the fastest on the team.

Scout agreed and we chose a line in the pavement for the start line and another for the finish. I got into my starting position, and as soon as I heard, "Go!" I pumped my legs and arms in unison. I left a small trial of stirred up dust in my wake, not looking back to see if I was being outpaced. I shot across each paved section, and I was at the designated finish area before I knew it. Wasn't even winded. A few seconds later, Scout caught up, gasping for breath. Seemed like he had been trying his best, but still got left behind. "You're... pretty... fast." He said between breaths. "Thanks. Took me years of track." I replied, smiling. Scout jerked slightly as if he had just had an epiphany. "And all dat was without all da tech stuff dey give ya for battles." Finally having caught his breath, he straightened up. "We better get back inside before Soldier starts yellin' at us." "Yeah," I agreed. We headed back inside, and, according to a random digital clock, we should be heading to our rooms to gear up by now. Scout headed down to his own room, while I went to mine.

There was a note on my door, with very messy but legible handwriting, from Soldier. I was allowed to go outside once I was ready, to get used to my gear. I grabbed the note and went in the room. A box was in the corner, and when I opened it, it had various weapons in it, some of which I recognized. Scattergun, pistol, butterfly knife, revolver. There was a baseball bat, I assumed for a melee weapon, and a small device like the one the Spy had been messing with earlier. I had been told exactly how I was supposed to select my set of weapons. I pulled out the scattergun, the pistol, and the bat. Might as well start with the simple. Underneath, I noticed a small object. Next to it was a manual. It said, in short, that it clipped onto my heel and kept me in the air for longer than normal after a jump. Also that I was allowed to use this in addition to my set of 3 choice weapons. I held the thing to my heel and it automatically clipped on. I grinned and headed back outside to test the stuff. I already knew the grip for the scattergun and pistol, so I tried the bat

It was lighter than it looked, but upon hitting myself a few times for a test, still capable of doing some damage. Holding the bat up was another story. I had to accomodate for the length, which is easier said than done. I eventually got it right, and moved on to test the jump booster. It held me up in the air, still with my original momentum, for about two and a half seconds. I could kick some serious butt with this stuff. I walked back inside just as Scout came out to get me. "Round of capture the flag," he informed me. While we were heading to the start area, he explained what when on during a capture the flag round. Sounded like something I could do. We stopped at a small, mechanical looking circle. According to what I was told, by the constantly talking Scout, it would take us to spawn, where we would be revived if we died. Death could still hurt, but during a match it wasn't permanent. I nodded nervously, and then I stepped into the circle and pressed the button that activated it. Momentarily, the world went white, and then I was in spawn.

I had trained to fight for years, but now it was crunch time. I heard a feminine voice call, "Mission starts in thirty seconds." I began to shake in fear, but then said to myself, "Get ahold of yourself!" and apparently I listened to myself, for basically the first time ever. I looked around to see what the rest of the team was doing. Heavy was making sure his gun still worked. Medic was giving everyone some healing. Spy was getting himself a disguise. Demoman was trying to stay upright. Sniper was looking rather confused as to whether he wanted to start off with his sniper rifle or his SMG. Engineer had a building ready to go. Soldier was muttering battle plans to himself. Pyro had a bubble blower that kept him busy. Scout was checking around to make sure that everyone was ready. After the twenty second warning, he came over to me and revealed his plan to use some teamwork to get the Intelligence. We would go together, and if we got caught in something, we could confuse the blockage with both of us moving around. If one of us got caught, the other kept going. If we needed to retreat, we'd do that. For the rest, we could play it by ear. I wiped the terrified look off my face, swallowed, and agreed

"Five! Four! Three! Two! ONE!" I clenched my teeth to hold back a scream of fear, instead letting out a fearsome battle cry. Scout and I veered to the left out of the spawn door, into a small hallway that led to a couple of platforms with a small amount of cover, most likely for the Snipers. We got ourselves on top of the central bridge, and that was when RED reacted. Suddenly our main focus, along with moving forward, became dodging the rain of rockets and bullets that were aimed straight at us. I gritted my teeth to supress a shriek as a bullet nicked my earlobe, coaxing forth a sizeable spurt of blood. The pain was soon forogtten when we had to leap for the RED Sniper platform. Scout and I swung our bats at the Sniper's head at the same time, and as a result, it was caught in the middle. We high fived as we kept moving. I slowed down a little so that he could keep up, and soon we were heading down the ramp to the Intel room. Just before I turned to corner at the bottom of the ramp, I heard a quiet *beep*. I cursed under my breath and threw and arm back to keep Scout from running straight into the sentry. He had told me about them.

"What the-" he gasped. "SHH!" I whispered, and got out my scattergun. I told Scout, "I'm going to strafe it, I don't think it can keep up with me. You help me do some damage." For a second he looked like he was going to argue, but then nodded. I raced around the corner at top speed. Luckily there was no Engineer to protect the sentry. I blasted it with the scattergun a few times, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Scout doing the same. Eventually the sentry gave up and exploded, raining pieces of metal down on us. I could hear a faint cry of, "Sentry down!" from outside. I turned to Scout and said, "Get the Intel and we need to get out of here!" He immediately raced down the hallway and came back a second later with a red briefcase on his back. "Let's go!" We both sped off, in a different direction than we had come from. Scout ran and headed for the bridge roof again. I, however, had stopped. There was something invisible blocking my path. Suddenly, the shape melted into view, and there stood the RED Spy. I swore again.

"Well, who have vee got here?" the Spy muttered. He grabbed me by the throat and slammed me against the nearby wall. I screeched as I felt something in my arm snap. Waves of agony crashed through my entire body as the RED didn't loosen his grip any. "New recruit, eh?" He could apparently read the fear in my eyes, because his next words were, "I won't kill you. But here's your first taste of PAIN." With the last word, he drew his knife and slashed it across the break in my arm. I screamed again, even though I knew it was pointless. He cut me a few more times, across the chest, just above my eye, and on my uninjured elbow, before he let me go. By now I could hardly think, and the first thing my instincts told me to do was run. I bolted out of the nearby doorway. Just before I was out of his sight, he shot two bullets at me, each one slicing open a wrist. I hissed in unbearable pain, but kept moving. Once I was on the Sniper 'balcony', I saw that Scout had been having problems of his own. He was underwater and being held there by the RED Soldier. From here, through the water, I could see Scout fighting for his life.

I jumped down from the platform, ignoring the pain that shot through me the instant I hit the ground. The water cushioned my second landing, and I swam right up behind the Soldier silently, and balancing the base of my pistol on my palm, sending a bullet right through his head. I heard him gasp, but to his credit, he didn't cry out. He suddenly went limp and released his grip. Scout swam to the surface, spitting out water and looking somewhat pale, but still with a death grip on the RED Intelligence. He nodded his thanks, the hurry of a battle leaving no time for anything else. We both swam for the nearby sewer entrance, unharmed. Our team seemed to be sufficiently holding RED off, at least. We got the rest of the way to our own Intel room without a hitch, and then immediately headed back out to help our weakening team hold RED back. Nothing else really happened until the Announcer, or whatever she's called, ordered ceasefire. We all headed back to spawn to go back to the base. Once there, Medic began to drag everyone someplace to be healed. I gasped for air, finally getting a chance to rest. Then my wounds began to hurt. Two in particular stood out. My wrists. I looked at them, and I guess I had a horrified look on my face, because Scout immediately began pulling at my hands so he could see what was wrong. I let him turn my hand, and just as I heard him inhale sharply, my body couldn't take the blood loss, and the world went black.

When I could finally force my eyes open, the lights above were brighter than I had expected, and my eyes protested, and shut again. Everything hurt. Where I had been injured, it stung. Everywhere else, my muscles were incredibly tired. Although, I had remembered, it had been nice to prove that I wasn't useless, it could still hurt like hell to prove that to a team of men. I began to focus on what had changed by feel. My arm had been put in a sling, and the cuts over the break had been bandaged. The wound over my eye felt like something was binding it, and I suspected that it had to have been stitched up. I tried to untwist my leg from the awkward angle it was at, but that only resulted in fresh pain trampling my motivation to move. I felt a bandaged hand hold my leg down lightly, and I decided that, either way, it would be better to keep still for now. I let my limbs go limp as I sat up part of the way and opened my eyes again. I was in a room, and the bed I was on was partially surrounded by machines, each of which emitting their own series of *beep*s and lines and patterns that apparently made sense to the Medic, who was on my right.

Scout was on my left, and he was the one who had kept my leg down after I tried to move it. He was watching the unmoving form of 'Doktor', as Heavy would say. Medic had his back turned as he rummaged through his things, apparently looking for something, while occasionally glancing at one of the machines. I occasionally heard him mutter something that I couldn't quite understand under his breath. Scout took his hand off of me and walked over to the still searching doctor, and muttered to him, "She's awake." I, while this was going on, was recalling my encounter with the RED Spy. What I didn't understand was, why did he cut me, but not kill me? Was it because he thought I was weak? Pfft. Stupid. Whatever his reasons, he did it. I was brought back to the present by a needle in the inside of my elbow. I jumped slightly and yipped, "Hey!" before I drifted back to sleep, with the help of whatever drug I had just been given.

Much later, I woke up in my room again. I was in a noticeable amount less pain then what was yesterday, according to the change of light in the room. My arm was still in its sling, and it still hurt, but it didn't feel like a miniature train wreck anymore. The cut above my eye had formed a scab, but the stitches were still there. Everything else was healing nicely. The wrists, I finally realized, had white bandage over them, not unlike the stuff on Scout's hands. A peek underneath told me that the stupid Spy had done some permanent damage. I stretched my good arm, which was my right, luckily, and headed into the kitchen. The schedule said it was just time for breakfast. When I walked in the open doorway, everyone stared at me for a second as if I had an extra hand. Then they realized it and stopped. The Soldier glared at me as if I had walked into the RED base and given them our Intel. Ha. I like to think I had helped with the capture. All of a sudden, he stood up and began to claim how much of a 'maggot' I was, getting beat up to that level on my first mission, bla bla bla. After what I had been through that encouraged me to be a mercenary, this was crossing the line. Fury welled up inside me, and I couldn't stop the tide from crashing out.

I stormed over to him, and I could feel my face flush. I grabbed the Soldier's helmet so that he was forced to look at me as I grabbed him by the collar of his clothes, and the adrenaline gave me the strength to even lift him off the ground. I growled, "You've never had it hard, have you? This is what you wanted, all your life. I've had to fight for it. Stuggle through everything. My parents divorced and then my father died not long after. I had ADD while in school, and I was starting to fail. I also had a problem with my legs, where they would occasionally buckle for no reason. The other people at school teased me, and even elevated it to physical abuse. My teachers started asking me why I had never been held back. I was rejected multiple times. So I fought back. I taught myself some defensive moves, but when I tried to get the bullies off of me, I got in trouble and they didn't. One day they even almost cracked my skull by smashing my head against the sidewalk. I was lucky I didn't get a concussion. Afterwards I dropped out of high school and went to train as a mercenary. I've had to fend for myself almost all my life. I finally find a job that fits me. And YOU accuse me of not being worthy or some of your usual crap like that? I think I've gotten my point through."

As I finished my rant, I threw Soldier into a corner. Hard. I then ran back to my room, sobbing at the memories I had buried in my subconscious until now. I didn't WANT to remember any of it, but it was all there. The bruises, the cuts, the embarassment and sense of loneliness. Everything had gone wrong. I fought my way out, but Soldier had brought everything back. It was fresh in my head like it was yesterday. I heard footsteps following me, but I didn't care. I just needed to get away from here, to clear my head. I burst out the doors and sat in a corner of the paved area. I curled up and pulled my knees close to my face. Tears streamed down my face as I remembered my anger at the world and shame as to who I was. Nobody had liked me or ever thought I might be OK. My mom, when I was 15, had pretty much left me in the cold and rain to die alone. Finally the footsteps caught up to me, and I knew only Scout could have kept me in sight while I was running, and nobody else could have gotten here as fast. He sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

With a wail, I wrapped both my arms around him and buried my face in his chest, body still wracked with sobs. Scout rested his chin on my head and put his other arm around me. He rocked me gently back and forth, trying to calm me down. Slowly, the ache in my chest receded, leaving me tired and still in Scout's arms. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep. And eventually, after cuddling up to the Bostonian next to me for warmth, was exactly what I did. The last thing I heard was a couple of other BLUs racing outside, and Scout keeping them quiet.

'So tired', was my first thought when I next woke up. I had been sleeping most of the time after the battle, and yet I still was exhausted. I guess having a crying breakdown can do that to a person. I was in my room. Again. I checked my map for the schedule. Free time. It was about time I had a shower. I headed into the bathroom, turned the water on, took my clothes off, and got into the water. It felt nice to just sit there, in the warm water, being able to think. Even though I was alone, my usual paranoia of being watched came back, and I instinctively crossed my arms over my chest. After a while I actually got up and washed myself. I scrubbed my face to make sure that there was no evidence of me crying my eyes out earlier. Afterwards, I got into some clean clothes that looked just like the ones I had been wearing before. After I was dressed, I went the way everyone else would be. I somehow recalled hearing that they all tended to gather in the 'living room' and sort of sit around and do nothing. I expected it to be decent when I got in the room, but Soldier's shovel slamming into my head told me a different story.

It was true, what Scout had said when we were outside. Soldier couldn't hurt me, but he could, however, knock me away viciously, and let the impact do the damage. As I hit the far wall, I struggled to stay conscious. I could hear yelling and arguing, but my ears were ringing, my sight was swimming, and my head was down. Voices... I could make bits of speech out now, but the tidbits escaped my mind as soon as I heard them. Everything was a complete blur. Suddenly one of the shapes before me moved, and as my vision garually cleared, I saw it take on a protective stance, feet apart and braced against the floor, arms ready to dart in any direction. The slender build, and white on his hands... there was no mistaking who this was by now. He seemed to be debating with someone, by the tone of his voice. I clenched my eyes shut for a second in hopes of clearing them, and when I opened them, the world was suddenly crytal clear. Scout was, in fact, standing between me and Soldier, who was still furious. He looked as if he was about to kill someone, and I could easily imagine it being me.

All of a sudden, Medic pulled Soldier aside, and slowly, with a quiet but clearly angry tone that he was only making things worse. Soldier jerked away, and for a second I thought he might attack Medic, too. But he just turn away and headed back to his room. This was when I consciously realized that I was shaking, hugging my elbows close to my body, and that my head and left arm hurt. Plus, the spot where the shovel had hit me was right on the hinge of my jaw, and it felt twisted and wrong. I tried to shift it back to normal, which was soon followed by me digging my fingernails into my own arm to hold back the howl of pain. Everyone else in the room was staring at me, remembering my monolouge earlier, and a couple would remember seeing me outside with Scout. I had a feeling that it was Sniper and Engineer, who seemed to care most about all their teammates. The pain washed over me once more as I was lifted into the air, and I curled my hands into fists, still trying not to make noise. Scout had me, and was quietly explaining that we were headed to the medical bay. He had one hand under my knees, and the other just below my shoulderblades. I was smaller than him, so he seemed to have no toruble carrying me. I was content to just curl up towards Scout and drift off.

A sharp sense of deja vu hit me as I opened my eyes to the bright lights. Before I tried to say anything, Scout put his hand on my jaw, and Medic explained that it was broken and needed rest for a few days. I would have to use either a pen and paper or an electronic tablet to communicate for now. Great. My leg had also taken a beating, so I was also sentenced to a wheelchair, since with my arm still healing, I couldn't use crutches. I groaned irritably as I let my head rest again. This was not at all what I had expected. I mean, sure, Scout had been there for me more than anyone in my life, but other than that, life had been pain ever since. Not to mention, a few of my worse cuts still hadn't healed. Especially the on above my eye. The blood in one of the most sensitive parts of my body had stung like you wouldn't believe. Thankfully, there was some good news, that Medic said Scout insisted on mentioning himself, for some reason. My arm still needed to be bandaged so I could guarantee it had been held still, but it no longer needed the sling.

As the events of the day slowly began to reassemble themselves in my memory, a single tear escaped my eye as I recalled exactly what my mother had done, all those years ago. Well, it had really only been 8 years ago, but after everything that had happened since, it felt like an eternity. That kind of betrayal left a deep mental scar. It came to my attention that Medic was saying that I was capable of moving the wheelchair myself if I was careful, and that I shouldn't go near Soldier without someone with me. And asked if I felt good enough to go back out into the living room, since we had some more time before dinner. I nodded my head, and when I was given the choice of paper or tablet, I waved my hand in the tablet's direction. I held it on my lap as we headed back into the room, slowly but surely. As soon as he noticed me, Sniper blurted out, "Ya ok, mate?" I shrugged and motioned in Medic's dirction, indicating that Medic would know more than me. Sniper shifted his quizzical gaze to the doctor, and he obliged without prompt.

He told the whole group what exactly went wrong, and why I couldn't talk normally at the moment. Apparently I could walk very short distances, like between my wheelchair and another place that was no more than a few steps away. My teammates spent no time waiting, they got straight to the bombardment of questions. The one that suprised me the most was from Scout. He said I had mumbled something about my mother doing something to me, and that was while I was asleep. I gave a resigned sigh, and he told me that I didn't have to answer if I didn't want to. I shook my head and held up a finger in a 'wait' motion. I began to type on the tablet, feeling every pair of eyes in the room on me. After I was done, I passed the tablet around, and each team member took their time reading it, before they passed it on to the next person. Scout was last, and he read it aloud, even though everyone had seen it already. Guess he still never shut up.

"Eight years ago, when I was failing my second year of high school, one day after school, my mother asked to talk to me. She had never done that before. She took me into a side room, and suddenly, I felt a hit to the back of my head, which knocked me out. When I woke up, I was strapped to a wall in the basement. My mom came in with this insane little grin on her face. She held a number of things, including a whip and a knife. She tortured me in any way you could imagine, and then she dragged me to the car and dumped me in an alley someplace. Eventually when I was practicing fighting, someone asked if I wanted to be a mercenary. I said yes. This is one of the scars from my mother." As everyone stared at me, confused by the last sentence, I pulled some of my hair aside to reveal a nasty scar, just above my right ear. I winced at the sudden astonishment in the air. All of these men seemed to have had loving families and couldn't imagine that a mother could do this to her child. As I sat there no choice but to be silent, the ever talking Scout piped up. "You meant it when ya said that you had it bad, didn't ya?" I slowly nodded my head, wishing that I didn't have to recall the pain. My own mother had beat me within an inch of my life and left me to die.

Sniper cleared his throat and said, "So what's gonna happen with Soldier?" The question brought silence once more, until Medic answered. "She's not to go anywhere where Soldier might be without somebody there." He glared around as if daring anyone to question him. "Got it?" Everyone quickly nodded to get away from Medic's venemous look. I checked the clock and motioned towards it so that everyone would notice that it was time for dinner. I waited for the others to be up and moving before I started wheeling myself towards the doorway, right behind them. We got to the 'dining room' before Soldier and Heavy did. Heavy had most likely been taking a nap, and Soldier was probably still sulking. I decided to bring some humor to the men in the room, and carried some food out on a tray, which I balanced on my head, which was flatter than normal, letting me carry just about anything on it. As everyone did, the team cracked up immediately. I grinned. I liked smiles. I had been through so much, that it meant so much to me if I could get a smile from someone.

I had just put the tray down and the roaring laughter began to die down, when Soldier came in the room, looking disgruntled, but not to the point of the vicious fury he had unleashed earlier. Still, I shrank down a little at the sight of him. He pointedly ignored me, but I knew he wanted to do something more. I recalled Medic's list of what I could and couldn't do, but thankfully I could still eat solid food. Most of the meal was uneventful, until, during dessert, Scout jumped. Epiphany. The look on his face gave it away. "Gail," he said, "Tomorrow's the day you have to decide whether you'll stay or leave. I completely forgot." Staring into his eyes, which weren't very far away from mine at the moment, had this feeling to them, a certain sort of hunger and desperation. I didn't need to ask which decision he wanted me to make. He wanted me to stay, there was no doubting that. But a lot weighed on this choice. My entire future, for example. But this was the only place I'd ever likely be successful. I sighed. This was yet another of those thing I'd have to sleep on.

That night, trying to sleep was pointless. There was no way I could have actually slept. I was at war with myself. Should I stay? Or should I go? These men had been my friends. Which were something I had never had before. It felt nice, having someone who cared about you, even the tiniest bit. Looking outside, I could see that it had begun to pour with rain. I sighed, and decided that, whatever would come of tomorrow, some sleep would help. I got back under the warm blanket, and surprisingly, with the resolve, I fell asleep almost immediately. Dreaming, I was in a fight. No injuries to be seen. Respawn was malfunctioning. And I was being held down by a RED while another put a bullet through the head of each of my teammates, one by one. They kept Scout for last. Holding him right in front of me. Having to see his eyes go wild with agony and then blank. Forever. I couldn't stop the tears. They soaked into the dry ground around me, creating large circles of mud. I was suddenly snapped out of the nightmare by a hand shaking me by my shoulder.

Scout was standing over me with a concerned expression on his face. "Are you alright?" He asked quietly, so as not to wake the rest of the team. I grabbed the tablet and typed, "Yeah, I'm just fine." His expression turned into a 'I don't believe you' look. "If you were 'just fine', you wouldn't be crying in your sleep." I looked away. I didn't want to remember the dream. It had seemed so real... so real that it hurt. Scout gently turned my head back around, and with a sensitive but firm voice, he said, "Tell me what happened." I picked up the tablet, and typed out a short version. I handed it to him, and as he read it, first confused, and then suprised at the last part. He sat close to me for comfort, and murmured, "That will never come to pass. I promise." I cuddled up to him, and once again fell asleep in his arms. Scout kissed me on the top of my head, and said, "Sleep well."

Next day, I was nervous as hell. I still didn't know what I was going to do, and knowing the people here, they'd be asking me before my formal answer was requested. They meant well, but they were just nosy. I sighed and accepted that it was just something I'd have to deal with. I got dressed and headed out for breakfast. The stupid wheelchair got me around, but it was much slower than I was used to. I finally got where I was going, and suprisingly, nobody jumped to ask me what I was going to say. Just a quick glance from Scout to make sure I was ok. Breakfast was pretty peaceful. Until, at the end, through the speakers that were all over the base, came a voice, telling us all to assemble in front of the base. We all knew exactly why. Though Scout seemed to be having trouble breathing, we all walked out and assembled, me in front of the line of men, by Miss Pauling's order. Medic quickly scooted forward and quickly explained why I couldn't talk. Miss Pauling nodded, and began the formal process. "Gail, you have undergone your three trial days. What will you choose?" I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. My thoughts raced. I came to a conclusion. With a shy glace out of the corner of my eye at Scout, I typed two words into the tablet and showed it to Miss Pauling. "I'll stay."

Miss Pauling nodded and gave me a sheet of paper, presumably with some other stuff I needed to know, since I was staying. As soon as we couldn't see her anymore, Scout ran over and hugged me. Laughing, I put my good arm up and hugged him back. I could tell that a couple other mercs were giggling, but I didn't care. This was my home now. After a little while of congratulation of choosing to stay after what I'd gone through, I wheeled myself back insde, and everyone else followed. Everyone else separated to their rooms for battle, while I, being in a wheelchair, had to stay behind. I read the sheet of paper I had been given. Nothing there I didn't already know. So I dragged out my textbooks that I had brought along. I began taking notes on some calculus stuff. I stopped after I had written five pages and I realized that everyone was getting back from today's battle. I could tell by the sudden rush of footsteps heading to the medical bay. I headed out, hoping to be helpful in some way. When I got there, the doors were unlocked, and I went in.

Medic glanced up at me, as if to say, 'what do you need?' before going back to work on Sniper, who had taken quite a beating. I typed quickly that I hoped to help, and after Medic read it, he nodded and motioned for me to grab something on the other side of the room. He got through everyone much quicker, with me getting things and entering some of the simpler commands into the screens. Scout came in last, and I drew a horrified breath. What had he done to himself? Why had he waited so long to come in? His entire body was covered in scratches and scrapes, with slightly more severe ones arcross his chest, which left his shirt torn to shreds. The binding on his hands was torn away, revealing his hands, which were covered in old, small scars, which I assumed were from some purpose other than war. His left foot looked as if it had had something blown off of it. I shot Medic a desperate look, hoping he'd take the message and tell me what had happened out there. He'd gone and I hadn't so he had to know SOMETHING! He just shook his head and made a hand signal to say that he'd explain later, and then got to work.

As he pulled each of the bullets out, Scout twitched and whimpered in his state of unconsciousness. As he worked, Medic told me exactly what had done this. He had been trapped in a corner by a Heavy, who did minimal damage before Sniper pulled him off with a headshot. The RED Spy was the one who gave him the knife wounds and tore his shirt and hand bindings. And just when he had gone, the RED Demoman got Scout's foot with a stickybomb while he was trying to run. After that, he had dragged himself back to the space right in front of spawn. Spy had to carry him back. And in the past, he had always insisted that his teammates be ok before he was healed, and he would probably be furious if they took him in first this time. I anxiously typed, "He'll be ok, won't he?" and Medic replied, "Yes. Once we get these bullets out of him." and went back to his task. I kept wriggling nervously until I was told to go back to my room because all the fidgeting wasn't helping. I sighed and obeyed. Luckily, I didn't pass Soldier on my way. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. Especially since, deep down in my memories, he seemed vaguely familiar.

I tried to catch up to where I should have been in Latin, but I couldn't focus. I was reciting my colors aloud, and when I got to 'aurantiacus,' I spaced out, and I ended up with a big pencil line across my paper when my hand relaxed. With a quiet hiss of frustration, I tried again, but each time spacing out after a few words. This was hopeless. Then Sniper opened the door and told me that Medic wanted me. I gave a nod of acknowledgement, and headed to the medical bay once again. When I got there, Medic said that my arm and jaw should be close enough to normal position to use his medigun on them, and then I wouldn't need the cast or tablet. I allowed myself a happy little clap, and then moved the wheelchair to a spot that had been specified for medigun use. Turns out, it didn't hurt, just felt a bit odd as the bones were nudged back into their rightful position. As another plus, I could walk again. I stood up and stretched my legs for the first time since the shovel incident. Felt great. I thanked Medic and walked out to the living room.

The rest of the team was already there, and Medic followed soon enough. After spacing out and staring in Soldier's general direction while doing so, it was my turn for an epiphany. I knew him. By a different name. The title I had used for him when we were younger was different too. The last words I ever said to him, before I didn't see him for many long years, were, "I love you, brother." I cautiously walked over, afraid that he'd hurt me again, but he made no move except to look at me. I reached towards him, saying his name. "Jake...?" His head snapped up and he looked me in the eye, helmet back. He finally recognized me. I could feel the waves of suprise and shock coming off of him. What was the likelihood that we would both end up on the same team of mercenaries, after so long? He then pulled me into a giant bear hug, mumbling to me, "I missed you, little sis." I told him that I had missed him too, and then separated him from me before he could suffocate me. Medic was the first to comment. "What... just happened?" I stood defiantly, and answered to everyone. "He's my brother."

After that, Soldier forgot the fight we had had, and we both left it behind. But, since we were at constant war, things could never be peaceful for long. Next battle, I took the disguise kit with me. Spy had finally told me what it was, and briefly explained how it worked. At one point, I managed to get back to back with RED Scout, while I was disguised as his team's Demoman. Then, in a puff of smoke, I removed the disguise, and said to him, "You forgot something." He turned around, and before he could react, I said, "That you always Spy check," and then scattergunned him in the face. As he fell to the ground at my feet, I was hauled backwards by my shirt. I squealed, "Shit!" and started writhing to escape. But whoever had me was holding on with a grip of iron. They kept moving, not slowed in the least by my struggles. Eventually we were in a small, secluded room that I didn't even know was there. My captor finally looked me in the eyes, and my breath caught in my throat. It was the RED Spy. What was he going to do this time? Slit my throat?

But no, that wasn't it. He gave me this look, as if I were his prey. I, at the moment, was trapped in a corner, with one leg straight and the other bent, and both hands on the floor behind me like props. The Spy slowly walked toward me, and lowered himself down towards me. When I saw him leaning in towards me was when my instincts kicked in. I pulled out my pistol, held it to his head, and hissed, "If you don't get the fuck away from me this instant, I'm pulling the trigger." Surprisingly, he viewed my threat as real, and backed off. I got to my feet, still aiming the handgun at him. Once I was out of the doorway, I ran for all I was worth. All I could think about, then and there, was how much I felt like I needed to get away. In my blind panic, I didn't notice the little red laser dot traveling up towards my head until I heard the gunshot and my legs failed on me. I felt the breath leave my body and my eyes go wide. Unfathomable agony clutched my entire body. How did I not notice the RED Sniper? Momentarily, the world went black, and then I was back at spawn, good as new.

I didn't even have any of the mild scratches from falling. Everything was as flawless as it had been before I came here. But I still had more pain to endure. We had five minutes left to defend our Intel from RED to keep our lead of one capture. I stood in the center of the Sniper balcony, which was slightly more enclosed than the rest. Nothing much. I headed down to the hallways beneath, and there, right down the center, the RED Soldier had a rocket aimed at Scout. Time itself slowed down as I launched myself in front of it, the explosion not killing me but throwing me back. More alert after being headshotted earlier, I recovered my feet quickly. I was pressed against a wall. Only when I heard a very small *Beep* did I know that, putting it simply, I was in a deep pile of shit. The RED stickybombs flashed once and then exploded, taking most of my right hand with it, blowing both to miniscule fragments. I gripped my wrist, uncontrollably screaming at the top of my lungs. Shaking, I held up my arm to reveal the fate of my hand, and even the RED Demoman shrieked as I blacked out.

As soon as my eyelids were fully open, I recalled what had gone on not too long ago, gasped, and pulled my arm towards my face. Instead of a long stump ending at my wrist, I found a metallic shape at the end of my arm. Then it hit me. I had a cyborg hand, not unlike the Engineer's Gunslinger. I rotated my new hand, and then bent each of the fingers in turn. It responded the same as my real hand, oddly enough. That was when one of the braver of Medic's doves flew down and perched on my chest. He was shooed away, while I was told not to mind Archimedes. Apparently I was okay to leave immediately, with a warning to be careful about the skin around the base of the robot hand for a few days. I nodded, hoping to be able to cover this before the rest of the team had to know. I rushed to my room, temporarily unwrapping some of the binding on my right hand. I then pulled out a blue glove I had brought with me, and then put the binding back on the top to hold it in place. Moving my hand, it looked natural enough. I was still full of anxiety that someone would find out.

As I entered the now familiar room, I was bombarded with inquiries as to why I was in the medical bay so long. I mumbled that I'd rather not talk about it, and then went to sit in my usual place. I kept my arms slightly crossed to make sure my gloved arm was hidden. Other than that, I had a headache, which was more of an annoyance than a hindrance. Since nobody was paying attention to me, since they were all absorbed in their own conversations, I used the time to think. Not about anything in particular, just letting my mind wander. It seemed like an instant later when Scout waved his hand in front of my space to snap me out of my 'staring into space' state and get me to move my rear into the dining room. All through the meal, I was mulling over my situation in my head. The RED Spy was clearly trying something. I had lost my right hand and had it replaced with a mechanical one. I had died and come back to life via respawn. Not exactly normal by any meaning of the word. My attention strayed from the topic when I smelled bacon. Bacon was one of my weaknesses. You could get me to do just about anything for it.

In the middle of the night, I awoke to the floor sliding beneath me. Or, rather, me sliding over it. My natural reaction was to grip something, but the smooth floor proved hard to grab. I silently cursed my habit not to lock my door, and then began to writhe. Nothing. I tried to scream and bring the team to my assistance, but my captor had clearly planned all this and I was gagged. Apparently I was a heavy sleeper. My last resort was to flail my free leg at the person, and it worked, hitting them in the stomach. However, they didn't delay for long, moving even faster now that I was awake. Once we were in the farthest corner of the cement platform, they, or, more specifically, he shed some light, literally, on the situation. By the light of an easily concealable flashlight, I was able to make out that it was the RED Scout in front of me. What the hell was he doing? This late at night to boot. He grinned at me, reading the confused fear in my eyes. Despite one of them being green and one blue, they read the same emotions, from what I'd been told

I was still gagged, so I could even voice my question. Quietly, the RED Scout said, "I'm going to take the gag off. If you try to scream, I will kill you on the spot, and you'll stay dead." I nodded my head in understanding, still fearful of his motives. He did as he said he would, and then gave me a look to make sure that I didn't intend to make noise, which I didn't. He smiled, and began leaning toward me, which freaked me out on its own. What really got my adrenaline running was that he lay both his hands on my chest. All I could think of was how to get him off of me, and eventually my mind thought of something. Just as he was closing his eyes, my right leg shot up and kneed him in the groin. Only surefire trick I knew to get a male to back off. I leaped to my feet and left the RED Scout on the ground, while I was racing inside to get my team. I coudn't do anything by myself. I went to Scout's room first, and shook him by the shoulder desperately. He jumped up, grabbing me. He gasped, "What's wrong?" And I, gasping for breath, answered, "No time to explain. Help me get the team. He won't be down long." With the end of my sentence, I raced off and proceeded to wake the team and drag them outside in their half awake state

The RED Scout hadn't moved from where I had left him, but he looked close to being in little enough pain to bolt away. I clenched my robot hand into a fist, and kept back. He had taken it too far. I mean, jeez, think about it. My team's Scout walked forward and stared at the RED in confusion. He was clearly as confused as I was about the opposite team's member's motives. The RED Scout stared back, but more fearful than confused. He climbed to his feet, but just before he could run, he had a hand on his neck, holding him back. His BLU counterpart looked him in the eyes, giving him a murderous look. Under his breath, Scout said, "I don't know what you did. But if this EVER happens again, so help me." To emphasise some of the words, he gave the trapped Scout a small shake. Once he finished his threat, the RED nodded and sped off, back to his own base. Scout turned around and gripped my hand, which I only realized was shaking when he held it still. "What did he do?" I stood there with my mouth open, thinking about where it would have gone if I hadn't stopped him. I really didn't want to say it, so I tore myself away and ran.

I raced through the halls blindly. All I wanted right now was to hide myself away. An idea nipped at the edges of my consciousness, and then dove into view. I veered to the right, slithered into the closet, and locked the door from the inside. We all had a key to it, but they'd need to think I might be here. The sound of them rushing around and calling to each other slipped through the door, but I still didn't respond when they called to me. My heart was still pounding as if it wanted to beat out of my chest. Eventually the door opened, and when I looked up, the direction of the light told me that all they could see were my eyes reflecting it. Scout was standing there, looking as if he were trying to hold back tears, and Engineer next to him. Scout threw his arms around me and pulled me to my feet, saying, "Thank God you're ok!" I just stood there, not knowing how to react. Engi was sitting there with his arms folded, and amused little smile on his face. He headed off, presumably to tell the rest of the team to stop looking for me.

Scout finally gave me some space to breathe, and asked, "Why did you run? I was so worried!" He didn't wait for an answer, but mentioned that tonight we had to watch a prerecorded video on the next map we'd be in. I nodded and headed back to my room. I needed a shower pretty bad, and I just needed some time to process the night's events. Sitting there in the almost 100 degree Farenheight water, My mind raced through the meager possibilities for explanations to the RED Scout's actions. Why? Did he somehow know what it was between his BLU counterpart and me and was trying to settle a grudge match of theirs? If it was that, how did he find out about us? Even our own team had limited knowledge. I got out and kept a towel wrapped around my soaking wet hair while I dressed myself. I still had trouble comprehending the assult, but now wasn't the time to dwell on it, as Jake was nearly knocking my door of its hinges banging on it and telling me to get my rear out of my room to come see the video. It was probably old news to the rest of them, but I most likely needed to see it. I headed out without protest.

Turns out we were headed to Sawmill, which was a rainy King of the Hill map. It consisted of one Control Point, and a team had to hold it for three minutes before they won the round. At Sawmill in particular, the hazard were the huge spiraling blades on either side of the Point. Great. When it showed exactly how said blades work, I shivered, and Scout gently placed his hand over mine, and his touch was enough to calm me. Everyone else in the room looked like this was old news to them, which it most likely was. Afterwards we headed back to our rooms for the night, but there was an unexpected knock on my door. I could tell it was Jake, asking if he could come in. I called out a yes and he walked in and sat next to me on the bed. "Just came to check if you were all right after last night." His voice was level enough, but his eyes betrayed concern for his younger sibling. I looked away slightly, said, "I'm fine," and didn't say anything else. Jake didn't belive me, we had learned to read each other when we were little, but he didn't press the matter. He walked out, showing no sign of further questions. But there was still something he wasn't telling me.

The next day was not spent fighting, but getting our few belongings together. As I got out my backpack, I noticed something in the bottom that must have been left there when I used to carry it around at school. A photo of me and my mother, smiling and laughing. My immediate reaction was to rip the picture to shreds, which is what I did. Then I hid each piece in a different place in the room. Struggling with what I had to remember, I slowly got my stuff togerther. The one remnant of the happier years of my life, back before Dad died and before Jake left, was a small bracelet made of plastic beads. It didn't even fit me anymore, but most of the time I kept close track of it as if my life depended on it. Later Jake nearly dragged me out by my foot again, and apparently the photo of Mom had made me miserable to the point of showing, because Scout kept giving me concerned looks as I repeatedly zoned out while I was thinking, and just stared at the pavement until someone waved their hand in front of my face and asked if I was okay, which I would always say yes to.

During the wait for the train both teams would take to Sawmill, I began running songs through my head, starting with Katy Perry's Firework. "_Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin, like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?" _ I still wasn't paying attention, but I was close enough to half-awake that Scout was able to lead me by my hand and I would follow. I only noticed we were on the train when I got to "_After a hurricane, comes a rainbow," _and then I remembered that I had a couple of hours before the train would get to Sawmill anyway, so I moved on to We Found Love by Rihanna or whatever her name was. Or is. I thought I was only thinking the lyrics. _"Yellow diamonds in the light, we were standing side by si-i-de. As your shadow crosses mine, what it takes to come ali-i-i-i-i-ve." _ After I finished the song, everyone was staring at me. Jeez, was I thinking out loud again? Apparently I had been because Jake chuckled, "Never knew you could sing." and then went back to staring out the window, as did everyone else after a few seconds.

I cursed quietly at the fact that I hadn't considered that it might be cold here. I temporarily unfolded my arms to stretch, and I instantly recrossed them over my chest, squealing, "Dammit it's freezing out here!" A couple of the team rolled their eyes at me while Scout stepped closer to help keep me warm. At least, as it turned out, it was warm inside. Plus it wasn't like a huge barn, which was a plus. It was overall better lit, warmer, comfy, and spacious, most likely to make up for the dreary conditions outside. Everyone else wandered around, most likely knowing the place like the back of their own hands. I took some time to explore before I had to take my turn making dinner. The floor was square shaped, and there was a hallway along the left side that had our rooms along the sides, and from top to bottom and left to right they were ordered Me, Scout, Jake, Pyro, Demo, Heavy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper, and Spy. We each still had our own bathrooms, thankfully. In the upper right corner were the living and dining rooms, and along the center were the phones, storage, and medical bay. Next to said medical bay, there was a door, presumably so that poeple could be brought in from the battlefield faster. Then I heard Heavy whining to Medic about how hungry he was, and so I went into the kitchen to make everyone some nachos.

After dinner I was standing up to walk to my room when Jake came in and said someone was on the phone for me. Wondering who it could possibly be, I headed to the room with the phones and picked up the one that was off the hook waiting for me. I hesitantly asked, "Uh... anyone there?" On the other end, a very vaguely familiar voice answered, "Yes." I knew this person, but I couldn't put a finger on it. I continued with the questions. "Who is this?" The person on the other end paused for a second as if in thought, and then spoke clearly. "Gail, I'm your father."

I stood silently for a second, shocked. Then my brain began working again. I coldly stated, "My father is dead." The man took a breath and started on what felt like the beginning of a lecture. "Your mother probably told you that, but I left and hid. One of her friends told me that she had swore to kill someone, or at least come close. I feared for myself, so I went into hiding. I-" I interrupted, my voice unsteady. "Didn't you care about me? Or even Jake! Do you realize what I had to go through? You deserted me when I needed you most! You selfish _jerk_!" I dropped the phone on the table despite my father's protests. I didn't hang up, but ran out of the room, passing Jake, who ran in and asked Dad what had happened. I raced to my room, and since our rooms were on the top floor, I climbed out the window and sat on the roof, staring across the field.

My own father had put me through this. He, of all people, would have been able to calm Mom down. But instead, he left me and Jake, for all anyone knew, to die. His own children! How could he do this to us? How could he do this to ME? I had been an outcast, the weirdo, the unwanted child, the idiot that they could abuse without any retaliation. And I had almost been murdered by my mom. All of it could have been avoided if Father had stayed. All these years I had missed him, thinking he loved me. But he was just a coward. The currently empty battlefield was so close, and I could just fall down onto it. Just as I jumped, the voice calling to me heightened in panic.

Scout called, "Gail! What are you doing?" By now his voice was shrill with worry. I stared desperately at him, as if he could fix my situation. Right now I didn't want to be in this world. My mind wasn't thinking logically, and just as Scout turned and headed for the front door to the base, I raced for the sawblades at the Point. If we were injured during ceasefire, it wouldn't be healed upon respawn because we didn't respawn at all. I went through one of the larger openings to the room, and there in front of me was the biggest blade I'd ever seen. Without hesitation I walked to one of the sharp sides, and stood in the path, waiting for my body to be sawed in half and for my miserable life to end. At the last second, I was hauled back by one arm under each of mine. I screeched and fought, just wanting it to be over. Scout flipped me around without releasing his grip, and forced me to look at him.

His eyes were full of anguish. I blinked, and my vision and mind cleared. I had almost killed myself, and that just now registered. I clutched Scout tightly, taking huge, gasping breaths. Not from exhaustion, but from my feelings of loss and pain. My past had made my heart too blackened to cry. I didn't want to know that my father was alive, that all of it could have been avoided. Jake just then ran in, with a fearful look on his face. He hurried over and explained what had happened on his end after I'd left. Jake had already known it was Dad when he came to get me. Once I had left, He picked up the phone and asked what had happened. Dad said nothing, and then Jake had screamed at him that I had just raced out of the room crying. Dad had sighed and explained, and Jake had been horrified too.

That had been when Scout had raced in, terrified, and told Jake that I had just gone onto the empty battlefield, and that I seemed upset over something. They both left the building and followed me, and I knew it from there. Scout gave me a look and I knew I'd have to explain it to him later. Jake checked, "If anyone asks, nothing happens. Ok?" I nodded and walked back to the base, and the others followed suit. I went back to my room, and Scout trailed me by unspoken agreement that I'd explain. We sat down on opposite ends of the bed, and I gave my speech on what my dad had done.

After I finally finished my story, Scout was staring at me with this concentrated hatred in his eyes, but they weren't focused on me. He couldn't believe someone so closely related to me could have done something that would have driven me to an attempt at a horrible suicide. I crawled over and wrapped my arms around his neck, and Scout promptly burst into tears and pulled me closer. He sobbed, "I almost lost you." I whispered, "I wasn't thinking straight. I'm so sorry." Scout crying was a spectacle I never expected to see. Ever. He was usually the bravest, and even in the midst of battle it was uncommon for him to scream. With that taken into account, this seemed nearly impossible. When there was a knock on the door, my heart skipped a beat.

I opened the door, and Medic was standing there. I stammered, "Uh n-nothing's wr-rong." Medic answered sarcastically, "Apparently crying is a sign of being ok." In his regular voice, he continued. "I am responsible for keeping everyone's emotional health good as well as their physical." I sighed and moved aside to let Medic take Scout with him. The two walked towards the medical bay while I went back into my room. I was probably going to be in trouble for this. My guess was proved to be true when Medic came in about a half hour later and asked to talk to me. His face was serious. Once we had sat down, he didn't hesitate. "Scout told me you tried to kill yourself." I turned my gaze to the floor and nodded. He asked me why, and I had to repeat my story about my father. I heard Jake yelling in suprise, and I jumped up and raced out to the front of the base. I whispered, "No..." This couldn't be happening!

Mom was standing in the doorway, still looking insane. She glared at me with a victorious look in her eyes. She had hunted me down, and now she was ready to kill me. Scout caught up and jumped in front of me, but I pushed him aside and gave him a look. I took on a stance to match Mom's, and she said, "How dare you defy your mother?" I had a response to that. "Because anyone who would beat me within an inch of my life and leave me by myself is no mother of mine." I glanced at Jake. It looked like he hated her more than I did. Having no reason to hold back, I flung myself at Mom. Knocking her to the ground, I puched her chin to stun her. In the background I could hear someone trying to jump forward, and somebody else telling him that it wasn't his fight. While the woman at my mercy was stunned, I took firm hold of her face. When she recovered, I said, "This. This is sweet, sweet revenge." Not hesitant in the least, I gave a sharp twist to the right, and the sharp crack echoed through the hallways. I stood up and brushed the dust off of myself. This woman was dead, and she meant nothing to me now. Jake gave me a nod and we both left her behind.

I'm a monster. That was my first thought when I got back to my room. My hands had hit their marks and I had killed an older woman with no problem. I curled up on my side on the floor. I had done awful things, but this was unspeakable. I had murdered someone. Permanently. Worse yet, it had been my mother. I stood up and went into the bathroom. I found a small pair of scissors that they kept in all the rooms, opened them, and slashed them along each arm, from my wrist almost to my shoulder. Then I fell to the floor, my exhausted eyes flooding with tears. I let myself just lie on the floor for a while, and then went and put on a long sleeved shirt to cover my arms. I headed out, hoping that my arms wouldn't bleed hard enough to show through the shirt. Nobody questioned me during dinner.

The next day we had to go to battle. I took the revolver, pistol, and knife. I ended up backstabbing the RED Sniper twice. The guy is oblivious, I swear. The platform above the point was a good spot to sit and wait for some sucker to run up the stairs, only to find a bullet in their forehead. This was far too easy. But soon enough I got too cocky. The RED Scout ran up faster than I could react. He had a furious look on his face. He grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me down onto the floor below. Straight on top of the blade. I heard my own screech echo throughtout the whole map loudly as it possibly could. I felt the unending and unfathomable waves of agony escape me vocally as my organs were ground to cut in my back was starting to slice its way to my front. As I wished for it to just be over, my final thought before respawn brought me back was that maybe I deserved this.

Thankfully, I didn't have any major injuries when I came back to the base after ceasefire. First time. Plus I still had the cuts on my arms that I didn't want anyone to know about. For the next couple of nights, which we had off, I didn't sleep. I still hated myself. I would toss and turn, only making myself less tired from the constant movement. I would eventually get out of bed and silently wander the halls of the base, getting back to my room just before the team woke up, and thus avoiding hard to answer questions. But apparently it still showed when Scout asked to talk to me, just before we had to go to bed and we went to his room. It was pretty messy, but mine had been worse. He sat me down, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You haven't been sleeping." I stared at him with an open jaw, wondering how he knew. He softly answered the question I was soundlessly asking him "I admit it- I was awake too. I saw you walking around."

I looked at the floor. Crap. Now he would probably ask why. Instead he blushed slightly as he asked, "Do you want to, uh... stay here for the night?" I felt a rush of heat in my cheeks, and I nodded. In short, we did sleep with each other. No, we didn't do that. Sicko. I woke up curled up, with Scout right next to me. Awake. Staring at my arms, which he had pulled the sleeves off of, probably when he noticed something was wrong with them. He kept glancing up at me and then back down at my arms with a horrified look on his face. I pulled my scarred limbs closer to me and covered my face with them. Scout gently lifted my head back up by my chin. He didn't even need to ask. I said the words that explained my current state of mind. "I'm a monster..." His expression softened. My jaw dropped in suprise that he didn't just say, "No you're not," like everyone else would. Instead he said, "Baby, it doesn't matter _what_ you are. It matters _who _ you are." With the end of the sentence, he pressed his lips against mine.

I didn't fight it. I closed my eyes and pressed back. I finally let myself accept my feelings, for the first time in my life. Scout wrapped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. My heart swelled with love. He was so warm. My ears caught a slight sound in the hallway, and, cracking one eye open, my peripheral vision noticed the slightest bit of a shadow. I recognized the breathing pattern. When Scout and I broke apart, I called, "Go away, Spy. I know you're there." I heard him walk away with a chuckle, most likely knowing that he was messing with our minds. Scout, still not letting me go, said, "We better get out of here before someone starts asking questions."

Next battle was chaos. Well, really, in the start they were letting us push forward. But something seemed wrong. I ran ahead and found where they were hiding. As soon as I got there, most of the RED team dispersed and began fighting for the Control Point. The RED Medic, however, stayed behind. He spoke not a single word, but lunged forward, threw my wrestling body against the closest wall, and tied my hands behind my back. I tried to call to my team for help, but just before I could form words, he covered my mouth. As I tried to kick him in the shins, the Medic slapped me hard enough to knock me out.

Once I woke up, I was strapped down in a room with the lights dimmed by a fair amount. In the shadows stood the RED Medic. I fought against the bonds, still refusing to give in. I could feel the fear rising as he slowly stepped closer. All he said was, "Before you joined BLU, we were close to undefeated. Getting you out of the picture will return us to our rightful standing." Not caring about my struggles, he took his time turning around and picking up a kinfe. Then he slashed it twice across my torso, forming an X pattern. I gritted my teeth, my eyes almost overflowing. My own blood spilled over onto my secured wrists. Then, as I was just beginning to recover, he refreshed the pain by giving me a shallow cut along my throat. I gave a faint cry, which in turn only made my throat bleed harder. Once the cut in my neck was made deeper, my mind began to give out. Just before everything went black, I saw the flash of a young man kicking the door open.

I opened my eyes and found myself soaked in blood. Plus hardly breathing. Everything stung, and every time my team's Medic touched anything, the pain elevated even more, however that was possible. I couldn't make anything out clearly, whether it was sound, sight, or thought. I tried to bat Medic's hand away, but it only resulted in a feeble twitch of my hand. My ears picked up the sound of someone pacing outside. Then they came over to the door and I barely made out the Boston accent calling, "Can I come in yet?" Medic sighed and answered, "Yes." The doors burst open instantly at the permission to enter, and Scout looked distraught. He hurried over and laid his hand over mine. His eyes searched mine, but he didn't say anything. I don't know why, but I began singing the second verse of one of my favorite songs. _"Watch the end through dying eyes, now the dark is taking over. Show me where forever dies. Take the fall and run to heaven." _ and continued into the chorus. _"I will not bow, I will not break, I will shut the world away. I will not fall, I will not fade, I will take your breath away."_ I finished as I drifted off

Mother of god, this was getting repetitive. How many times had I woken up in the medical bay of no memory of how I got there? Plus if I was there, it meant something would hurt. Don't try this stuff at home, kids. Pain isn't fun. Anyway. When I woke up, I was pretty sure I had kept bleeding while I was out, because first of all, I was drenched in my own blood, which was disgusting, and I felt lightheaded. All my wounds were still open and causing me pain. I found my jaw unintentionally clenched, most likely because I had been moving in my sleep. After about ten minutes of me trying not to move and Medic trying to patch me up, the painkiller he must have given me in my sleep began to set in, and I could loosen my tense muscles. I was finally able to walk around if I was careful.

For the next few days, everything was calm. But when my cuts healed and I could finally go back to battle, Scout told me that RED had found another team member to even the numbers out. At the next battle, she was someone I had never expected to see again. Red, one of the bullies from high school. She was a formidable enemy, but I was stronger now. I made a point of targeting her every chance I got. She deserved every drop of pain I caused her, and by ceasefire, I had given her multiple wounds that would leave at least a small scar. She was limping and her teammates had to help her walk. I felt accomplished and ashamed at the same time.

Later, while we were yet again sitting around doing nothing, I was talking to myself. "Of all places! Here! Why?" Apparently Jake heard me, and tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. He ended up having to shake me to snap me out of my little spacing out thing. He asked, "You ok?" I replied, maybe a little too quickly, "Yeah." He looked like he didn't belive me, but, as always, didn't press me for details.

At one point next ime we went into battle, I found myself pinned to the wall by Red. She had her pistol aimed at me, and didn't hesitate to shoot me once in each arm then once in my stomach. I refused to give her the satasfaction of hearing me scream, but I coughed up some blood, and then unwillingly fell at her feet. I would never stop hating this girl. After that I fought even harder than before, not letting anyone from the enemy team even into the building the Point was in. Every time I went for Red, her team's Sniper maganed to get me off of her, be it with a warning bullet near my face or physically hauling me off by my arms. I didn't get to her once that battle, which bothered me.

I was just about to get up and go to my room when I noticed some movement in the shadows. I began to follow it, and it lead me out to the grassy area behind the base. In the center stood Red, looking comfortable, like she was in her own base. My senses went into overdrive, boiling with rage. I charged at her and she jumped nimbly out of the way, laughing. "No need for that," she giggled. I hissed, "Yes, there is." Red raised her eyebrows at me and said, "Fine. Show me how you're not a wimp anymore." Her verbal jabs got my adrenaline pumping. I faked a basic hit and run tactic, but instead of slowing down when she jumped back, I kept my momentum and hit her with the full force of my body.

Red went flying backwards, but to her credit, kept her feet. She tried shoulder charging me, but I knew all to well how to counter that, and I had done it here once before. Momentarily balance on the shoulders, kick to the head, and get away. Red lay sprawled in the mud, and propped herself up on her elbows when I walked close. She swore and tried to scramble away. I didn't move, and told her, "You've hurt me enough. Leave. _Now_." Just before she raced back to her own base, Red muttered something about her harm to me only having begun. Scout and Jake were most likely in danger.

Turns out, the two weren't really in danger. Jake was left alone, luckily. But being the bully she was, Red knew intricate ways to hurt people. Next battle, her and Scout were both missing. I tried to look for them while not being too obvious, but I eventually gave up on that and just went to find them. I found them in an underground room not used in King of the Hill, but in another version of the fight here. The floor had a thin layer of water covering all of it. They were in the furthest corner, and I made sure they didn't notice me. Red was talking with a sly grin on her face, and Scout was listening, though I couldn't see his face. They didn't know I was there. My heart nearly stopped when I saw them draw together in a kiss.

I ran. I just needed to get away from that room. Anywhere was better than there. I took out my fury on the RED team. They never stayed alive for long, and the round was won before I knew it. We all headed back to the base, and for the first time I intentionally avoided Scout. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't care. Then and there, he meant nothing to me, and his place in my heart was empty, hollow, and aching. How could he do this to me? For the rest of the day, I ignored the desperate looks from Scout and the confused ones from everyone else. I didn't look at anyone and I always found an excuse to get out of conversations. That night I even locked my door so that nobody could ask me why I spent the night crying.

The next day I scrubbed my face hard to erase any traces of the fact that I had been awake the entire night sobbing. I tried my best to wipe my face of all emotion before I headed out for the day. I could hardly think straight between lack of sleep and having spent that time thinking hard. I made myself look close to presentable, but inside I was a wreck. When Scout reached towards me, I drew away. I was most likely the one acting up, but I didn't care.

After that time passed in a red, misty haze. The blood flowed endlessly on the battlefield, and rage darkened my vision the whole time. I didn't know how long it had been between any two events. All the world was to me at the moment was a pit devoid of happiness. The RED team would huddle in a corner and run when they saw me coming. Well, most of them. Red was still overly headstrong, and she paid for it. I lost count of how many times I killed her after about 25 times. She put up a fight, but nothing is a match for a furious trained killer.

Every night I could hear quiet sobbing sounds from Scout's room. One day I was out on the roof again, and I could hear the footsteps coming up behind me. It was Jake. He came and sat beside me silently for a while and then said to me, "I think you and Scout need to talk. He keeps coming to talk to me." I gave him a glare, and he kept going. 'He told me what happened, and I understand you're upset, but if you two would just listen to each other you could work it out." I hung my head and sighed. Jake was right. The only way to resolve it was to share both ends of the story. I realized that the reason I hadn't wanted to know before was that I was scared of what I'd discover.

Jake went to get Scout while I stayed on the roof and mentally prepared myself. I knew Jake was right as far as the fact that we should both know the whole story, but I wasn't sure if he was right as to that we could work it out. When Scout came outside and sat on the roof beside me and hugged his knees close to his still tearstained face, we both kept quiet for a short while. Eventually he broke the silence. He glanced at me and then back at the empty battlefield before he spoke. "Soldier said that we should talk." I tried to hold back my own tears and hurt tone as I replied, "So I've heard. He can be a bit nosy, but he means well." Scout nodded in a 'I know' gesture, and then kept going. "During that battle, I was on the point while you were at the back helping Soldier. That girl-" I interrupted, 'Her name's Red. She bullied me in school." A look of guilt entered Scout's eyes as he continued.

"She told me to follow her, and, seeing as the team was doing ok, I did. She lead me down to that room we were in, and then she claimed that you'd done something to her, and that if I didn't do what she said, then she'd do something horrible to you. I didn't want that to happen, so I followed her instructions, and you know what those were." I stared at him quizically, wondering how he knew that I had seen them, aside from my behavior hinting that something was amiss. Scout didn't even look at me as he undeterrably kept talking. "I heard someone running away from us when she let me go. She told me that it was you, and after that I turned and ran from her. I tried to follow you, but you wouldn't even turn your head towards me."

"After that I didn't know what to do. Without you, the world was nothing. Everything seemed to have lost any feeling. One day Jake made me go into his room and talk to him, because, as he put it, the tearstains on my face were getting too obvious. He sat me down and straight out asked me what was wrong. I completely broke down and told him the whole story. He knows as much as I do about the situation. He advised that if I could talk to you, then we could work things out. I tried to get your attention and communicate with you, but you refused to even face me. I was just starting to wonder how I was going to go on when Soldier came and got me today." By now my jaw had dropped. All my awful treatment of him over his will to keep me safe, even through Red's threats. I couldn't belive myself.

Scout finally turned his blue-gray gaze on me. It was my turn to explain. I could hardly believe that he still loved me after what I had put him through, but I managed not to burst into tears as I told my half of the story.

"All I knew was what had happened in the room, and then I ran. I took out my anger on the RED team, and then consciously refused to look at you. I wasn't able to believe you would kiss my own worst enemy, and I avoided you. The first night, I was up the whole time crying. After that, most of the time I couldn't see straight. I didn't know what was going on and I had no sense of time. Everything was just a passing event that meant nothing. Today I came out here to think, and Jake came outside and insisted that you and I talk. I gave in and accepted that I couldn't ignore you forever." I looked him in the eyes, tears welling up in my own.

"I can't believe how awful I was to you. Can you ever forgive me?" I didn't give him time to answer. I stared back down at the roof again and mumbled, "No. Don't. I don't deserve forgiveness." He turned my head up to face him and said, "Yes, you do. Sweetie, you didn't know. It wan't your fault." I gave him a small smile. In reality I wanted to jump up and down and scream, but then someone would think I was on drugs or something. Instead I pulled Scout into a soft, loving kiss.

His eyes opened momentarily in surprise, but he recovered quickly and closed them. I was met by a gentle but firm push to my shoulders, and I let Scout push me onto my back. He braced his hands on either side of my body so as not to crush me with his weight. He put a minimal amount more pressure on my lower lip. I obliged and opened my mouth, knowing I at least owed him this much. I could feel his tounge exploring the small crevices of my mouth, and I did the same to him. When we finally broke apart, Scout didn't get off of me. He gave me a playful grin. I gave him a fake swipe across his face, being careful to not actually hurt him. He stumbled backwards on his knees in mock agony.

Now it was my turn to be on top of Scout. He could hardly speak, he was smiling so hard. But he magnaged to choke out a quick, "I give," before dissolving into a fit of giggles. It already being dark out, we didn't sleep that night. We stayed on the roof, gazing at the stars, never separating.

Next battle, we were inseparable. Scout and I had each other's backs. We both targeted Red, and the first time we ran into her, she had a shocked look on her face. I could feel a cocky smile growing across my cheeks, but I didn't stop it. I screeched, "This is what you get for trying to break us!" Before she had time to process it, I knocked the terrified girl to the ground with three swings of my bat. One to each side of her body and then one to the top of her head. From there, she gave me a pleading look, but in my mind, she deserved no mercy. I got out my scattergun, and just as she opened her mouth to scream, I fired a shot into her throat. Red let out a horrible choking sound before her eyes dulled and reflected the sky. I gave Scout a nod and we raced for the Control Point side by side.


End file.
